Random shark phobia blogging aside, at 3:00 we drag Juliet out of the pool and at 4 O’clock, we visit the lawyer’s office.
Alan Weissman is a short man with a red beard and piercing blue eyes, calm eyes, the kind that immediately put you at ease because the soul behind them is so clearly at ease.
He has an impressive office built entirely of recycled, eco-friendly materials on the hillside overlooking downtown, which (if you’ve never been here) is a quaint village of seaside Victorians, each of them manicured and perfectly restored as if the town was just built and it’s 1914 all over again. There’s not a fast food marquee or billboard in sight.
After Weissman shows us around the grounds, which June is particularly interested to see (she studied and worked in architecture before Juliet was born, when she became a full-time mom / exercise-junkie / internet-addict), we sit down and he tells us our options.
He believes that the cheapest and easiest way to get rid of Mr. Buckingham is to live and let live, rather than pursue an action against him.
Weissman predicts that within a year or two, now that Lester has been noticed by the authorities, he will be evicted because the so-called “squatter’s laws” are antiquated and will hold no sway in the final analysis, especially because he staked his claim on public land. Recent local case law supports his theory, and he cites multiple decisions in which long-time residents of the forest have been booted out of their homes, including a similar case of a man who lived in a tree house just outside the boundaries of UC Santa Cruz. Supporting his argument is that one of the key tenants necessary to achieve squatting rights (or what is known in legalese as “adverse possession”) is that one must have a long history of “open and notorious use of the property.” Clearly, Lester has not been using his property openly or notoriously, but covertly.
Weissman says he is happy to pursue expediting the process of having Buckingham evacuated, but it won’t be cheap and tells us that in his experience in such matters, the path of least resistance is usually the least painful. He has nothing to gain by telling us this, so he obviously means it.
But June doesn’t want to spend a single solitary night living next-door to this weirdo who put YOU OUT on his Scrabble board and has a sink in his kitchen with drainage pipes that go nowhere.
Long-story-short, Weissman gets a twenty thousand dollar retainer from us and promises to prepare a case immediately.
He tells us he’s already spoken with Sheriff Willits, and Buckingham is going to be released from the jail today, but his firearms will have been confiscated until he is able to qualify for an official permit, which should, by all rights, be next to impossible for a man as dysfunctional as he.
June points out that Buckingham was functional enough to procure his firearm illegally in the first place and build an entire house by hand (no doubt using all sorts of sharp objects!), so the prospect of his shotgun being confiscated is of no great comfort to her. She reminds Weissman that Buckingham is a Viet Nam War Vet. Weissman says that if we want to play it safe, we should go back to San Francisco for the week while he figures out the legal game-plan.
By now it’s getting dark and rainy and the option of a seven-hour coastal drive is not appealing, so we decide to spend one more night in our very fancy sea-side resort.
At first I’m not sure we’re making the right decision, hiring a lawyer (I am a believer in the live the live and let live philosophy), but what happens next seals the deal.
While June was in the shower and I was at the hotel gym on the Stairmaster watching the nightly news, there was a knock on our hotel door and Juliet went to answer it.
And when she opened up, who was there but Lester Buckingham!
How he knew where to find us is a complete mystery. Maybe he overheard something from his cell at the Sheriff’s station, who knows.
Of course, Juliet’s scared out of her little mind, but mannered as she’s been taught to be, she did not slam the door on Lester, but instead said “Hello sir, how can I help you?”
After two hours of grilling her about it, here’s what June and I gathered about their interaction:
Buckingham was polite, asking Juliet to relay to us that we have nothing to worry about as far as he is concerned. He wants us to know he will be a peaceful, quiet neighbor and if there is ever any trouble, it won’t be because he’d made it.
Finally, and most frighteningly, he told Juliet he wasn't sure he could live if not in that house. Whatever the hell that means, I have no idea.
He did not explain himself any further, but turned and walked away when he heard June getting out of the shower. While she was dripping wet, she found Juliet still standing by the open hotel door…holding an odd looking antique cardboard shoe box.
Inside the box was a little brown finch that you could see through a bunch of tiny peep holes (or were they air holes?) that Lester had cut out of the cardboard.
Handing the box over to her, he’d said,“I brought you this playpretty to thank you and your family for your advance understanding.”
He called the bird a playpretty! Juliet found the term amusing. However June and I found the term disturbing…though I’m not sure why.
In any case, by the time I returned from the gym, June had already set the finch free and scolded Juliet ten different ways for opening the hotel door for a stranger.
And I must admit, now that he’s done THIS, I am ready to abandon my initial analysis of his mental stability and I am fully on board with evicting him and/or selling the property and finding some place different in which to vacation.
Funny thing is now Juliet believes Lester is harmless. She says he seems like a little boy to her, just scared of losing his home.
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